Never Trust A Man That...

'Tis the season for cuddling by the fire, and kissing underneath the mistletoe. Romance is in the air... or is that the bitter cold chill in the air that makes you want to grab the nearest man and have him hold you to help keep you warm? It's debatable. All I know is everyone is pairing off and getting cozy as winter settles in. 

Since I am such a thoughtful person, I figured I would share some words of advice for you ladies searching for a man to keep you warm. ("I've got a lifetime of knowledge" - Viola Hastings)

Never trust a guy that...

- Wears a clip-on tie

- Cheers for the University of Arizona (Go Sun Devils!)

- Takes more time getting ready than you do

- Has more than one bathroom selfie on Instagram (Even one is too many)

- Hates animals

- Enjoys tofu

- Is a Rand Paul supporter

- Has crazy designs shaved in his hair

- Lies about his time in prison

- Has more than 8 bumper stickers on his car

- Consistently "forgets" his wallet

- Sincerely believes in conspiracy theories (Chemtrails are not part of a covert operation people)

- Drives a Chester Molester van and offers you candy if you get in

- You meet off of Craigslist (The Craigslist Killer is a thing...)

- Has a mullet/rat tail 

- Wears ankle socks with dress pants

- Is still active on MySpace

- Isn't prepared for the zombie apocalypse

- Hates Disneyland

- Wears tighter pants than you

- Does his own taxidermy

Well ladies... I hope I these were helpful! Good luck and "may the odds be ever in your favor!"

10 Reasons Online Dating Is Literally The Worst!

Online dating is literally the worst! A few months ago I signed up for LDSPlanet.com, a dating website specifically for LDS singles. My eyes were opened to a whole new world of interesting people. Seriously guys!!! I may die an old frumpy cat lady... My birthday is coming up, just buy me a cat now.............

Here are 10 different types of people on LDSPlanet.com. Enjoy.

10. The guys with really great hair:

 

 

9. Mirror selfies:

 


8. High school pics: (um... I don't want to date a 12 year old)

 


7. Missionary profile pics:

6. Just a guy who wants to find someone to share his bicycle with: (I actually know him and he is super awesome! Ladies... If you want to share a bike with this man I can hook you up!)

5. Profile pics that make you say "WHAT???? Let me guess... you have a really great personality..."

4. Edward Cullen impersonators

3. The creepers: ("He's climbin' in yo windows, he's snatchin' yo people up, so ya'll betta hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husbands cuz they're rapin everybody out there...")

 

 


2. The straight up wack-jobs:

1. The 62 year old... but don't worry, he looks and acts 40:

Well guys... that basically sums up why I'm single and why I hate online dating....

He's My Brother NOT My Boyfriend!!!!!!

My brother, Austin, is one of my best friends! When I was 7, we adopted the cutest little Guatemalan baby boy in the world! :) Seriously! He was the cutest! I would always dress him up and make him do stupid things (like all good big sisters do)! When he would throw a temper tantrum he would lay on his stomach and bury his head in his folded arms, but he would make no sound! haha It was the cutest thing ever! Sometimes, I would purposefully do stuff to make him upset so he would throw his cute little temper tantrum! haha I know, I know... I'm the worst! But he got me back by spitting up in my mouth... sooo I'd say we're even! As you can tell from the above stories, we weren't the closest ever when we were growing up. (But we sure were cute!!)

He was 11 when I moved to Idaho for school, so I wasn't around for a lot of his growing up years. Moving back home when I transferred to ASU two years ago was one of the best decisions ever because I made a new bestie! We are super close now and we have some really great memories!

We would race go-carts! (I totally kicked his trash! But don't tell him that! haha)

We worked together for a little bit so would eat lunch together all the time! Especially at our fav place, IN-N-OUT!!!

He took me to the Imagine Dragons concert for my bday!!

And I took him to the Summer Ends Music Fest for his bday! (Can you tell we love music?!?)

We ran a 1/2 marathon in May... that was literally the dumbest decision EVER!!!





 


















He would always photobomb my selfies...

If I was lucky, he would still let me dress him up and make him do stupid things :)

And our conversations rarely made sense...

Like all BFF's, we would occasionally match!! Great minds think alike!

And then he received his mission call to serve in the Guatemala Coban Mission!

 
Luckily we both graduated in May!! Yay!! Class of 2015!! #Twinsies

For our graduation present, our parents took us on a flippin sweet cruise to Mexico, Belize and Honduras! Over the last 2 years, many people have assumed we were dating... I guess it's one of the pitfalls of having a brother/bff that looks nothing like you. On the cruise, there were plenty of photo opportunities. They had canvas backdrops throughout the ship where they would take your picture and charge you out the wazoo if you wanted to remember those totally staged and completely awkward moments. They always tried to pose him and I in super coupley poses... and after a few pictures Austin refused to take any more. Luckily I have some of them! muahaha (I really wanted to get a Titanic pic but he refused! haha jk)

PEOPLE!!! HE'S MY BROTHER NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

He's in Guatemala now for the next 2 years and I miss my partner in crime! Today, I was preparing a package to send him for his birthday next month and I realized how much I miss the little booger! I am so lucky to have such great siblings! I am convinced that Heavenly Father knew I needed a little extra help in life so he blessed me with 3 amazing best friends as siblings! (That way, when you do something completely stupid, they have no choice but to love you!) After all, siblings make the best of friends!

See ya in 2 years buddy!

Alternate Blog Names

H E L L O   W O R L D!!!!!

So I have finally decided to start a blog! haha I know, I know... It's about time!! Well hopefully this will help me document the crazy happenings in my life and sort through my wandering thoughts. Thanks for wandering with me!

So I had the worlds hardest time trying to figure out what to name my blog! Everyone has creative and punny names for theirs and to be completely honest... that is what stood in my way from becoming a famous blogger and making millions!! I would always get to the point where I wanted to start one and grace the cyber-world with my presence. But what do I title the blog??? So here are the several titles that I thought would make excellent blog names, but somehow decided against them. Enjoy!

Leslie Knope, My Spirit Animal

Harry Potter 8: Harry Potter and His Secret, More Powerful and Beautiful Twin, Whitney

Always Wear Flats and Carry Band-Aids: A Survival Guide for the Complete Klutz

Run It Through: How To Get Bigger Portions at Chipotle For Free

So......(A Needle Pulling Thread)

Totes Sketch: The Life of a Working Woman in Phoenix

Netflix is my Boyfriend: What to do When you are Single and 25

A Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down, And Other Advice Gleaned from Mary Poppins

Twitter-patted: Just Favorite My Tweets Already!

Side Roads: The True Story of How I Avoided the I-10 Shooter

Everything is Awesome: My Life From a Lego Point of View

Can you see why it took me forever to start a blog? Goodness gracious!

Well thanks for wandering with me for a while!