Never Trust A Man That...

'Tis the season for cuddling by the fire, and kissing underneath the mistletoe. Romance is in the air... or is that the bitter cold chill in the air that makes you want to grab the nearest man and have him hold you to help keep you warm? It's debatable. All I know is everyone is pairing off and getting cozy as winter settles in. 

Since I am such a thoughtful person, I figured I would share some words of advice for you ladies searching for a man to keep you warm. ("I've got a lifetime of knowledge" - Viola Hastings)

Never trust a guy that...

- Wears a clip-on tie

- Cheers for the University of Arizona (Go Sun Devils!)

- Takes more time getting ready than you do

- Has more than one bathroom selfie on Instagram (Even one is too many)

- Hates animals

- Enjoys tofu

- Is a Rand Paul supporter

- Has crazy designs shaved in his hair

- Lies about his time in prison

- Has more than 8 bumper stickers on his car

- Consistently "forgets" his wallet

- Sincerely believes in conspiracy theories (Chemtrails are not part of a covert operation people)

- Drives a Chester Molester van and offers you candy if you get in

- You meet off of Craigslist (The Craigslist Killer is a thing...)

- Has a mullet/rat tail 

- Wears ankle socks with dress pants

- Is still active on MySpace

- Isn't prepared for the zombie apocalypse

- Hates Disneyland

- Wears tighter pants than you

- Does his own taxidermy

Well ladies... I hope I these were helpful! Good luck and "may the odds be ever in your favor!"