Since I am such a thoughtful person, I figured I would share some words of advice for you ladies searching for a man to keep you warm. ("I've got a lifetime of knowledge" - Viola Hastings)
Never trust a guy that...
- Wears a clip-on tie
- Cheers for the University of Arizona (Go Sun Devils!)
- Takes more time getting ready than you do
- Has more than one bathroom selfie on Instagram (Even one is too many)
- Hates animals
- Enjoys tofu
- Is a Rand Paul supporter
- Has crazy designs shaved in his hair
- Lies about his time in prison
- Has more than 8 bumper stickers on his car
- Consistently "forgets" his wallet
- Sincerely believes in conspiracy theories (Chemtrails are not part of a covert operation people)
- Drives a Chester Molester van and offers you candy if you get in
- You meet off of Craigslist (The Craigslist Killer is a thing...)
- Has a mullet/rat tail
- Wears ankle socks with dress pants
- Is still active on MySpace
- Isn't prepared for the zombie apocalypse
- Hates Disneyland
- Wears tighter pants than you
- Does his own taxidermy
Well ladies... I hope I these were helpful! Good luck and "may the odds be ever in your favor!"
